Coping With Family-Induced Stress
Summer’s here and so is mom guilt! While many kids long for the days of doing nothing, playing with friends, splashing in the pool, and sleeping in late, for parents, this often translates to added stress. To say that balancing the demands of a job with motherhood and household duties is exhausting (and that’s ignoring the added restrictions from COVID), is an understatement! While my kids are all grown up and out of the house, I remember these days as clearly as if it was yesterday.
Thankfully I have a few powerful ideas that you can do to minimize your parenting stress over the summer:
Plan ahead.
Simple idea, harder to execute. Determining a schedule for children during summer vacation can be stressful, especially for divorced or separated parents. To prevent some of the stress involved with planning summer vacation time, it is crucial to have a specific written plan. Older children, especially, benefit from a clear schedule (presented to them well in advance of the summer), especially if the plan incorporates how the children wish to spend their time. And plan to do nothing too! It’s wonderful for both young and older kids to not have to rush to be somewhere or do something, and it’s refreshing for you not to have to yell “where are your shoes” or “hurry up and finish your breakfast, we have to go!”
Take a break.
Taking your paid time off (PTO) over the school break is a great idea for both you and your kids - it can help break up their 2 months of vacation time while giving you the opportunity to spend some quality time together, strengthen familial bonds, create happy, lasting memories, and yes, de-stress! Taking a break does not have to mean an expensive vacation. Instead, you can go camping, plan a staycation, or even just enjoy some fun activities at home together like endless park dates, a visit to the zoo, or movies under the stars. I know there is a lot of social pressure on families to schedule vacations or spend increased time with their children during the summer months, and these silent demands can lead to added stress, especially if it’s not financially viable or possible with work demands. So if you find yourself in this boat then setting expectations (see point #3) about vacation time with your family can help lesson these stressors. And remember a break doesn’t have to mean two weeks off work, it can simply be finishing work early one Friday or making the time for a massage for yourself :)
Drop your expectations.
So you have your plan and you're ready to take a break too, but just don’t expect it to go perfectly! Summer (just like life) is filled with the unexpected; it might rain for the whole week you’re at the beach (go splash in the waves anyway), someone may drop their ice cream, your exciting excursion may be met with disappointment, or (God help us), COVID may cause other restrictions. Over-scheduling (and under-scheduling for that matter) can put stress on you and your kids, especially if you find yourself running ragged in a desperate attempt to keep your children from whining and screaming. This summer, I encourage you to put away all preconceived notions of what summer “should” be and just be present for your child(ren) each moment (planned or unplanned) as it comes.
Remember your “why”.
We all have reasons for working; maybe you thrive on the challenges of your job or you need an outlet with adult conversation, maybe you’re saving lives or doing good, or maybe it’s less of a choice and more of a financial necessity. Or maybe it’s a combination of these things or something else completely. Whatever the reason, don’t lose sight of it just because it’s summer. I find that creating a flashcard of your “why” and placing it near your desk (or wherever you work) and a couple of other places around the house (like the bathroom mirror, car, fridge, etc.) can be a motivating reminder. If you are going through a tough time at work, feel stuck, or unhappy in your job, take this a step further and write down one thing you are thankful for or excited for at work each day. Watch how your attitude and mindset change!
Join in the fun!
Summer fun is not just for kids - schedule aside some time for you to join them. If you have the luxury of working from home, take 5-10 minutes between calls and meetings to share an ice cream together on the front porch, blow bubbles with your toddler, play a video game with your teen, or just run through the sprinkler on your own! Letting your hair down and embracing your inner child can actually have a positive impact on your work by boosting your creativity, increasing productivity, and reducing stress. You may even want to continue these habits long after your kids go back to school :)
“By coping with stress in healthy ways, parents can set a model for the rest of the family,” says Dr. Palmiter. “People who handle stress in unhealthy ways may alleviate symptoms of stress in the short term, but end up creating significant health problems over time, and, ironically, more stress. So it is important that parents take necessary steps to better manage their stress—related to summer vacations and year-round—and help their children do the same.”
A Journal Prompt:“Write down 3 ways that you could channel negative emotional energy surrounding summer vaction into positive actions. What would it take to starting doing one of these today?”
Many of my coaching clients are working moms who struggle with the shame and guilt of balancing parenthood with a successful career. They find themselves stressed out and anxious. If you need some extra support or would like to explore how life coaching can reshape your parenting style, why not schedule a free clarity call to discuss your needs and goals? You can also take this self-care quiz to check in with yourself and see how kind (or unkind) you might be being :) Remember, there are no right or wrong answers, just your own honest opinion about how you’re feeling about things right now at this moment.
It is important that we do not bottle up our feelings or overwhelm ourselves with more commitments and responsibilities than we can handle. Speak up and reach out for help if you need to (I am only a call away!). The people who love you will still love you even if you have to take a break. The people who leave were just using you anyway and you are better off without them. Don’t wind up tired and empty; live a healthy, stress-balanced life, and always, always take care of yourself first.
