Free Yourself from Needing the Approval of Others

Since we were children, most of us learned that it could be advantageous to make others happy. Most children want the approval of their parents, teachers, and peers. We tend to carry that same tendency into adulthood. While it’s natural to seek the approval of others, sometimes it might not be for the best.

Being a free and strong person includes moving freely through the world without unnecessary concern about other peoples' opinions. Think about who you respect the most. Do they let the opinions of others dictate their decisions? You can be the same way.

Live life on your own terms with these tips:

1. Learn to say what you think. 

If you're worried about other people's opinions, you've probably developed a habit of keeping your opinion to yourself.

• Start giving your opinion on more minor issues. For example, if you're asked what movie you'd like to see, provide a specific answer.

• As you get more comfort in sharing your opinions, you will start to share your views about more important subjects.

2. Take the time to appreciate yourself. 

Take a few minutes each day to remind yourself of all the things you like about yourself. Think about all the good things you do each day. List your positive attributes. I use the book "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay for inspiration.

• If you can support yourself, you'll be less likely to need approval from others.

3. Remind yourself that it's impossible to make everyone happy. 

Every single person in this world is different. So no matter what you do, there will always be someone who disagrees with you. Interestingly, those that try to please everyone (people-pleasers) tend to be less appreciated. Don't you admire confident people, the kinds of people that march to their own drum?

4. There's more gray area than you think. 

Many people who desperately seek others' approval believe that perfection is the only acceptable thing. You're not going to be condemned (or considered a saint) for everyday words and actions.

• Even the best people occasionally do or say things that most would consider being negative. Most people understand that no one is perfect. Do you judge people harshly over minor issues? If you are judging others, you are more apt to feeling judged.

5. Avoid responding to criticism in a way that encourages the criticizer.

Many people use criticism as a way to control others. When you apologize unnecessarily or change your opinion in reaction to criticism, you might be merely rewarding that other person.

• If you feel that another person is being unreasonable, consider confronting them in a calm, reasonable manner. You'll likely find that the criticizer's tendency to complain will stop when it fails to affect your choices. The disapproval you're showing is fair under the circumstance. For once, an objection will work for you instead of against you!

6. Before taking action, ask yourself if you're primarily doing it to receive approval. 

Try to eliminate activities and choices from your life driven by the need to have others think highly of you.

• Do a few things each week that you enjoy, even if they're not going to impress anyone. It gets easier with time.

We all seek the approval of others from time to time. But allowing that need to control your thoughts and behavior makes life less enjoyable and more challenging.

The first step to changing approval-seeking thoughts and behavior is recognizing them as they occur. With a little work, you'll find that the criticism you've been avoiding has much less impact than you thought! It's simply not a big deal.

Free yourself from needing the approval of others. You'll be glad you did!